Trust

Over the past year, God has been taking me on a journey of trust. I used to say sure I trust God because He's God, but over this past year, God has been teaching me what it really means to trust Him. I think every Christian when asked "Do you trust God?" would easily respond "yes". We know we are supposed to and most of us even know that we can, but do we really trust Him is the question. I must say I never thought to deeply about this question until things around me began to fall apart. Looking back, I can see that if I had really had complete trust in God, these events would not have shaken me so badly. It's easy to say you trust Him when everything is okay, but when life gets out of your control, that's when you find out the truth. For me the truth I am still finding out is that I had yet to mature in my faith to the point that I trusted Him when I could not see a plan. Bad things kept getting worse and my positive attitude was struggling to find reasons to be so positive. Not until I was broken down to the point that I felt I was helpless did I realize I had not trusted God to handle things and instead I was trying to handle them on my own. It's a weakness of mine, but I think we all do it. This last go around had me depressed and frustrated and feeling pretty helpless and hopeless. Then, I finally broke. What I found amazing was that what came out of me was not what I expected. When the tears started flowing, my spirit began to speak. Just like a child, I found myself crying out "God, I want you. I want you." It was the child in me calling out to the Father because He was the only one who could make it better. It's hard to describe if you've never felt it too, but I felt God come near. Not just near, He filled me. The weight lifted and my tears turned to a smile I couldn't hide. I felt the Spirit in me and all around me. I felt free. It was such an amazing change in me that I knew, I KNEW what was happening. God answered my spirits prayer. God dint change the situation like I was praying for, He changed me like my spirit was praying for. He changed me, He freed me, in an instant! Everything I truly needed was brought down to me. And I realized, once again, I was burdened by my lack of trust. Had I put my complete trust in God, my idea of how the situation should turn out would not have mattered. Had I put my complete trust in God, I would have faith in His wisdom and His ability to carry out His own plan.
It sounds almost odd to say that I'm a Christian and I'm still learning how to trust God, but I think it is something we have to learn. Those who have never been tested do not know the depth of trust that I now know and am still learning. It's a peaceful and joyous trust. It's a trust that let's you breath during chaos and sleep during the dark night. It allows me to see the blue sky just beyond the storm clouds. It allows me to have the faith of things unseen. When I first became a Christian, I had no idea what this felt like. What I am beginning to realize is that my journey and transformation in Christ is a lifetime affair. Christ molding me is not just to make me a nicer person, but a wiser and more trusting Christian. Seeing what has changed in me since I first began gives me the courage and the motivation to go through any dark valley I have to in order to be closer to my Father. Had He made my life easy at every turn, I would not know what I know now and that in itself is worth all the valley's. I pray that God never stops changing me and never stops giving me the gifts of these priceless lessons.
Kristy!
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