Bonus Throwback: First blog on fostering 6 years ago!
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| This picture was included as proof that we have ALWAYS been crazy, but we don't suffer from it, we thoroughly enjoy ourselves :) |
Here's a throwback to 6 years ago when we first began fostering. I found my old journal entries and I'm going to begin sharing them! Please excuse all grammar and writing mistakes. Almost all of these were written from my Blackberry phone because I did not have a laptop then!!
I've have struggled tremendously in our current role as foster parents. It's a role I never imagined myself being in, so I never planned for how to handle all the bumps along the road. I've found it very difficult just to figure out what role I am supposed to play & when. Sometimes the encourager, sometimes the enforcer, sometimes the therapist, sometimes the "supervisor", & sometimes the pseudo parent. The role needed changes from moment to moment & it makes my head spin just trying to pick one role to play! Then there's the frustration of seeing two people doing things differently than how I "think" they should be done. It's so easy for me to say "That's wrong!" because it's not "my" way. So I did what I've learned to do in the past. I stepped back, humbled myself before God, & prayed about it all.
There is one prayer I learned to pray long ago when I just didn't understand others that has been the one thing that changed everything. I stop & pray," God help me to see them the way You see them." That's when a new picture emerges & I see things & people more clearly. In the past this prayer was answered by helping me see the person(s) for the people they are, not for what they have done. This time was no different. It's like an "out of body" experience except it's more like an "out of my own mind" vision. God revealed to me that what I have been seeing is through the window of my own non-understanding. I have been trying to understand the "why" they are doing what they do & when I find no answers I get frustrated at them. But that isn't fair. Is it fair to blame them for what I lack the wisdom to understand? No. All it means is that I simply do not have the wisdom to understand all people the way God does. That is not their fault, it is my weakness. I should not determine to love someone or forgive someone or extend grace to someone based on whether or not I understand them. God understands them & He loves them. Shouldn't that be enough? To see them through God's eyes means I must strip away my own perspective, my own misunderstanding, & my own judgment of the situation & just see the person behind the mistakes. Isn't that what I want others to do for me? Do I really want others to stand around & judge me, condemn me, & secretly punish me because they "think" what I'm doing is wrong? No way! I want others to see me & not my mistakes. I want others to have enough understanding to realize maybe they don't know why I do what I do & thus, give me a break! If I am going to teach my children the "golden rule", treat others the way you want to be treated, shouldn't I model this in how I treat others even when it's hard?
I may not understand others, though the therapist in me will never stop trying, but I can still love them as God's creation. I may not understand their ways, but I can have patience seasoned with grace when they make mistakes. I may not understand their motives, but God does & I must leave judgment to Him. If I sit & stew on it & desire that all their "mistakes" be punished, am I not calling down judgment upon myself? Do I really want God to deal with me more swiftly, to punish me more harshly? Not at all! So if I want God to show me grace & mercy as I strive not to sin, yet I do, then I should desire the same for others. In dealing with the sins of others I have 2 choices: I can let it remind me of God's amazing grace & be more thankful for it or I can condemn them & thus condemn myself. Oh how easy it is to choose the latter without thinking of the consequences for myself! When Christ walked among the tax collector, the prostitutes, & all the other "bad" people, He didn't get caught up in condemning them. He was more interested in loving them & saving them. As a follower of Christ, I should be compelled to model that same way of thinking. I'm ashamed to admit it's not easy for me. I have no excuse. I simply get carried away by my own emotions instead of being carried away by God's grace. What God is teaching me through this is a lesson we all need, our emotions are NOT a good guide in dealing with others. Christ was the only perfect model & the only one we need. If He could look at the very people who were spitting on Him, cursing at Him, & nailing Him to a cross & yet still love them, I think I can love anyone who makes my life a little bit difficult. Compared to His "difficulty", what do I have to whine about?
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