Bonus: Fostering throwback!
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| His first new set of wheels that wasn't meant to restrain him but rather set him free! |
Throwback!
I used to think I had a deep trust for God. When
my parents divorced, it threw my world into disarray. It shattered everything I
held onto as "safe". I quite literally felt lost in this world. I
questioned everything. Finding out my own dad had been distant not because he
didn't know how to love me, but because he had been living a double life almost
my entire life broke my heart to pieces. Then to have him up & leave, not
just my mom, but my sister, me, & my kids with no contact, no apology, left
me feeling abandoned. It was during that time that I learned to pray, really,
honestly, openly pray. It was during this time that I drew closer to God than I
had ever been before. For the first time, I realized God is & has always
been my Father & He will never abandon me. I opened up to God & I
learned what trusting Him meant. I found the comfort & guidance in Him I
could not get from anyone else, not even my own husband. When I finally felt
"good" & safe again, I thought that no matter what happens in the
future, I will always be able to trust God. Though He didn't have to, He proved
Himself in a way I could never forget.I still hold on to that now, but I am learning to trust Him even more. Then I learned to trust Him with all of me, my pain, my heart, my emotions. Now I'm learning to trust Him with the tangible, every day stuff. Getting 3 new kids, 1 with disabilities, in the middle of the night has tested everything in our lives. It has tested us as Christians, as parents, as a family unit, our friends & support system, & our trust in God to provide for our daily needs. When people think of foster care, they think of the money people get to help out with those kids. What most people don't know, we sure didn't, is that in kinship foster care, you do it on your own until you complete all the classes & paper work to be "certified" as foster parents, then you get financial help. We got 3 kids from the state & a "good luck" & that was it. We did just fine when our family was 6 people. Now that it has grown to 9, it's a struggle everyday to pay every bill. But God provided in ways we would never have expected. Friends, my husbands work colleagues, our church family have stepped up where we couldn't. We never could have done this without the support system God surrounded us with. But, we still have to wake up every day & trust that God will provide for that day & the next & the next. When we look at it, there just seems no possible way for us to do it, but God is the God of the impossible. It tests our faith & our trust in Him every single day without fail. We have to trust Him for the strength to get through the day, the wisdom to handle all this new stuff, the courage to keep going when it all seems too hard, & the provision of our daily necessities, including "our daily bread". At the end of the day, I say a simple prayer of thanks. Thank you for the strength to get through another day. Thank you for the food we had to eat today. Thank you for the money to pay our electricity or water or car payment or house payment. Thank you the kids have all stayed healthy. All the little things I didn't pay much attention to before are now high on my priority list of prayer & praise. When you don't know how you will buy the next groceries or pay the bills coming in or buy a new pair of shoes for one of the kids or even buy medicine, you have a lot to be thankful for each day. We have to trust God for all of this. We have to depend on Him for everything. Adam & I are not saints, we are regular people & we could not do this if not for God. It's very humbling, to say the least, to wake up each day praying for God to get you through whatever comes along that day. In the past 3 months since getting the kids, every day has been eventful, but we have not done without a single day. What I thought I knew about trust has been expanded greatly. The deep trust I thought I had runs even deeper now. I'm not just trusting Him with myself, I'm trusting Him with our family of 9 & even the kids parents.
One of our foster sons has seizures & has had 1 since living with us. Though it was scary, I knew he would be okay because God had Him in His care. That day as I rode in the ambulance speeding to the hospital watching them bag this helpless little boy, I prayed. I prayed the entire ride which seemed to take forever. By the time we got to the hospital, I was calm because I knew God was with my little boy & I trusted Him more than all the doctors put together. Everyone thought I would be a mess, but I wasn't & God is the only reason. Today, I don't live in fear of the next seizure. I trust him into God's care each & every day & I have seen that little boy progress in only 3 short months. A lot of people have said I am doing a great job with him, but I really have done nothing special except seek God's guidance. I am not good, God is great. I am not wise, God is wise. What happens with this little boy & all of us depends on my trust & my faith in seeking God. Every day as I face difficulties, I am reminded of just how much I need God. There are so many times I am so frustrated & I just have to stop, I close my eyes & I call out to God to tell me what to do.
God is right there, every single day. Even if I were to choose not to acknowledge Him, He'd still be there. He gives each of us works to do, but we never do them alone. He has everything we need. He's not walking with us, He's walked it already & has layed out the perfect path. He's like a father teaching his child to walk. He's right in front of me always encouraging me,"Take one more step. You can do it. I'm right here. Walk to me." I simply cannot praise my Father enough for the strength, the wisdom, & the provision offered every single day! Though it is hard work, I count it an honor to be called to work for my God. Sometimes I'm weak & I complain & then I see His goodness & I am ashamed, I am humbled. God is so much more than words can explain & I pray that my life leaves a legacy that proclaims His goodness for generations to come!
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