The Emotional Junk Drawer

I finally did what I have told so many others to do, I practiced self-care this weekend. I took 48 hours to myself. I went off and spent time alone because "quiet" and "alone" are what this momma desperately needed. I did a lot of reading and had many, many talks with God. God showed me this little thing I call an emotional junk drawer. Do you have a junk drawer at home? I don't mean to brag, but I'm like the best at junk drawers. I have something like 10 of them around my house! They are those drawers that start off with purpose. You give them that label of "housewares" or "hardware" and you decide you will only put pencils and pens in them. Then 6 minutes later they contain everything from used kleenex to broken crayons and you say "I'll clean that out later", but you never do. The random cords drawer is the worst! You know the one. There are cords that go to things you aren't sure you even own anymore and now there are so many in there that when you pull it out it's a knot so secure that NASA wants to patent it. That's our emotional junk drawer too. We have these icky feelings we don't want to deal with-anger, bitterness, resentment, etc. We have triggers from our past experiences that we don't want to deal with because they don't make us feel good so we shove them in our junk drawer to deal with later but we never do. Then we feel stressed or uptight and we realize there are emotions we need to take care and we think "Oh, I better deal with that one [fill in a bad feeling] towards so and so that way I can be less stressed". The problem is, we try to pull one emotional cord out of that tangled mess and we find out that's impossible now! We have so cluttered our junk drawer that it's impossible to deal with ONE emotion without tackling them ALL. This is the point where most of us shove it back in the drawer and walk away for another day. It never gets better, does it? Chronic pain sufferers, anxiety sufferers, depression sufferers, chronic sufferers of any kind, it never does get better by avoiding does it? That's because junk drawers don't disappear, they have to be dealt with and cleaned out. It's a long painful process to be sure, but I think it's time we did it.
This trip I took was not the trip I planned at all. As it turned out, I believe God knew I needed MUCH more time alone with Him than I had originally planned for so, due to a hurricane, I spent 11 hours each way on a train in a private room. Life circumstances over the past two years had re-triggered major past issues I had tucked away and had landed me feeling in Job's position, but also identifying with David's faint spirit. I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausted. I read through the arguments in Job and I read through the pleas and praises in Psalms. Then I came to James and read about faith, wisdom, and suffering. All of these things culminated into a determination to clean out my junk drawer. Through all of this reading, I have the benefit of Job's story to know that God does not leave us to languish in suffering without purpose. I have the benefit of David's story to know that if I pursue God as my heart's desire and refuge that I will find that coveted peace. I have the benefit of Abraham and Esther and Paul to know that though God asks hard things of us, He never leaves us without provision in all things. And I have the empty tomb to know that no matter how hard the road and no matter what cross I bear in this life, heaven is waiting just on the other side.
So if you find yourself stressed, anxious, and carrying burdens too heavy to deal with so you avoid them, I hope you will join me as we unpack and rid ourselves of our emotional junk drawer once and for all.

even the darkness will not be dark to you;    the night will shine like the day,    for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:12