Foster Care Reflections: Becoming A Better Parent Pt 2

 

 One of the biggest questions in fostering is, "How do you let them go?". It's a tough question and one that reaches down to the very core of who we are as parents and as human beings. God made us to avoid pain so that we could survive! So it seems completely counterintuitive to purposefully love children just to let them go and break your heart. Yet, the Spirit is always counterintuitive to the flesh. The problem isn't so much the pain, it's our concept of time. Especially here in a America we operate on finte time schedules. We want everything to happen on a controllable set point, planned out time. However, the time referred to most often in the Bible is one of timing. God's "timing" is perfect and it's something we struggle to grasp because we want specifics. Like sand between the fingers it quickly slips away no matter how hard we try to hold it.

     When our children are born we have so many plans. We plan birthday parties and vacations and holidays. We plan how we will teach them our important things in life along with manners and social skills. We plan for their college and prepare them for jobs and even life after college. We want them to be "the best". We pass down family traditions and our own life lessons. Sports, music, honors academics, camps, early college, whatever it takes to get them a jump start in this life. As our schedule gets busier we try to do all the right things by squeezing in what we can into our schedule and we know it's okay because we have 18 years to get this down right. We've got time.

I'm sure every parent who has ever lost a child unexpectantly has thought the exact same thing.

   
     We are like the people in the days of Noah, the days of Jerimiah, the days of Sodom...we've been warned time is limited, but we think we can squeeze in our plans up until the finish line. We think we have some control over this thing called time, but time cannot be tamed or controlled. None of us have been given a guarantee of time this side of heaven. Every child is a gift, but not a single one comes with a promise of time.


     Foster care brings home this sense of urgency. In this missional life we are healing hurts, teaching life lessons, instilling morals and values, loving them full Every Single Day,  and, most importantly raising them to leave us. We are never NOT aware that our time is very short. We show up and give 100% everyday because time is short. We live in a world of temporary-permancy. Their lives with us are temporary, but we must love them as if they are permanent. We don't plan for college because that's too far away. Most of the time we don't plan vacations, holidays, or even birthdays because those are too far away. We teach them how to have friends now, how to be responsible now, how to heal now. We teach them how Jesus looks in their lives everyday. We show them how He loves them inside their hurting hearts and broken worlds. We read them His promises for right now. If they cannot learn all of this right now, they will not carry it with them into the next year. If they don't take it with them into the next year, then does it matter if they make it into Harvard or a community college or go to college at all? Eternally speaking, does it? In foster care you learn that moments, not set point milestones matter most. In foster care you learn to be present. In foster care you learn the richness in God's promise of His sufficiency of grace for today.

     Parenting my own children should have the same intentional urgency. I have to show up every day and give 100% because I DO NOT have time to waste. Those precious gifts are gifts and they are mine to care for only for a limited time. I must be present now or it will not matter later. I must show them Jesus today in every moment now or it will not matter later. There is no greater mission, no greater job, no greater responsibility that God has given me than this right here of being a mother to the children He has placed in my care. One day, they will leave too. They may be my blood, but there is no gurantee that when they leave my home they will carry my morals, my values, my hopes and dreams for them, or even my devotion to God if I DO NOT DISCIPLE THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY AS IF IT WERE THE ONLY DAY WE HAD TOGETHER. Foster care has taught me how precious our days are together and how great my responsibility is to be present with them.

I have found less guilt in saying no to things that take me away from the children. I have that my passion is fueled even more now that I am fully committed to every day and not divided. My desire is not for their collegic future, but for their hearts and lives to belong to the Kingdom. I am absolutely convinved that God can handle it from there. It's pretty amazing, as a mom, that once you put yourself in the place of Hannah and hand your child over to God and let Him carry their future, your job in the right now becomes crystal clear. God gave us a mission and it's an amazing one, moms! Don't miss out on it. Life is but a breath and if you plan too long you will miss the best parts.

 *Obligatory disclaimer: This is the area where God is refining me because I am an addicted planner of everything! I have my days where I have my OCD moments and I have to tell myself "Hey Elsa, let it go."
Read Part 1, How Foster Care Has Made Me a Better Parent