Foster Care Reflections: It's Just Intense
Doing what I do with a mess of kids is incredibly joyful, but it is also incredibly intense. Having one child with intellectual disabilities and one child with an anxiety system on crack makes things even a bit more interesting. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do with every fiber of my being. It's just that hearing my name a thousand times in a span of five minutes some days can be....intense.
Parenting is stressful. Foster care ramps this up a lot and this is where we have to be careful. Research shows that parents who are stressed parent differently and this affects the entire family. We may think that we are the only ones who feel the burden and the strain and the intense frustration, but we aren't. Everyone in the house is feeling it.
I have to make behavior plans and chore charts and reward systems and even activity choices because there are so many behavior issues we are currently correcting. They are all filled with an extreme amount of possibility and hope, but the responsibility can just be daunting on a day when all you want to do is talk to your husband about nothing. There are days when your organized, color-coded brain wants a break to do nothing but sit and enjoy the day. However, these children thrive on routine and "go with the flow" spells absolute disaster. It's an internal struggle for mommas like me. Part of us wants to do the fun things we see other mommas doing on lovely days like today by throwing out household duties and heading to the park, but we can't. We want to say "no" to afterschool routines and say "yes" to anything that involves outdoors, but we can't. We just want to relax, but we can't. Some days that is hard to accept.
It's the intense days like this that just suck the joy out of a momma. These are the days when we have to step back, buckle down, and remember that God has called us to an entirely different kind of life than those other mommas. He didn't say it would be easy. He never even said it would be fun (and it totally has been). He said it would be worth it and I believe Him. He has honored me with a life that is filled to the brim with purpose and promise and that doesn't come easy. A life like that is supposed to be INTENSE. These are the days when I have to remember that I chose this life when I chose to follow Him because He loved them long before I knew them. Where He goes, I go; whatever road, whatever cost. Most importantly, I have to remember how intensely and how fiercely I love them. The charts and the plans and the routines are how I love them the way they need. These don't confine us, they help us grow together. We do our own thing and we do it really well.
If you are in the same place, try not to forget why you are here. Do not let yourself get sucked into the negativity of comparison. We live a life that is beautiful in its own way. Let it be intensely beautiful.
Foster the Future Ministry Leader
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