Bonus: Fostering is a battlefield

I'm just sitting here in the quiet. Hubby is gone on a business trip, 2 kids are gone to grandparents, and the other 4 are in bed. Despite the fact that it is summer, we keep to a strict routine. With 6 kids, you cannot afford to get off schedule! So, I sit here in the silence of dusk contemplating what the next few months hold for us. We are in the wake of the next big storm. In fostering, there is always another big storm. It's like always living at sea. The waters are cantankerous and you may not know exactly when the next big one will strike, but you know for sure it will. Cards are at play right now that say for us, the next big one is just around the corner. Things are going to be changing in really big ways. Sometimes that's hard to wrap your heart and mind around, the knowing it's coming yet not knowing exactly what IT is. I know others look at us like we're crazy. I know people want to know how in the world we can subject ourselves to what I'm talking about right now. But this is life, isn't it? Isn't life crazy and unpredictable? Isn't life full of unexpected tragedy and blessing? Right around the corner on any given day is a life changing event.

In our case, we just admit that it happens and tell life to bring it on. We give up the delusion that it won't happen in exchange for the reality that this is life. We give up the ignorance that so many love for the children we love so much more.

It's reality and it's a little scary. I have walked with God through many valleys and unknowns that are scary; this is no different. I often spend my time walking through my field of doubts, surveying my weaknesses so that I am not caught off guard. I am indeed my own worst critic, but I have found it to be a gift rather than a curse. Better than anyone aside from God, I can spot every vulnerability that may be used against me by the enemy. What Satan once used to destroy my self-esteem, God has now taught me to use in safeguarding myself against him. And I now know that this time of anxiety, this calm before the storm is when I need to prepare for the battle ahead. As David sat in the field as a shepherd for so long before being called and anointed, this is the time to sit, listen, and grow in the relationship that will hold me tight in the rocky storm ahead. I have been through this too many times NOT to know what is waiting just a breath away down the road. We are not the only ones preparing for war. Fostering is not just a ministry, a labor of love, a life's work- it's a battle for the hearts and souls of those I am entrusted with. As in the more medieval days when commoners would go to the church and seek sanctuary inside the cathedrals, these children are finding sanctuary here in my home. My job is more than food and clothing and hugs, it is protection and intercession and a battle fought in the Spirit. When I FEEL the prompting that big things are coming I learned long ago not to ignore this urge to prepare but to heed it. Just because I cannot see the wind blow does not mean it isn't blowing.
So, I sit here in the dark silence. I write because it helps me think. I think about all the other mommas out there and I wonder where they are at in their battlefield. Are they winning or just beginning? Are they lost in preparation? Sometimes I like to imagine I am on top of a mountain and I can look out over thousands of battlefields and I see thousands and thousands of warrior foster mommas kicking some evil tail with their godly swords in hand fighting for the lost children of the world. There are battle cries going out all over the land and shouts of victory and screams of joy as families are reunited. Then there are some who are resting between battles underneath their shade trees resting next to the children like David the shepherd, content in God's presence but watchful for the next enemy. This may sound a little crazy, but it's how I picture it. Right now, I am between battles, resting under the tree with my little sheep. Though I am content, I am watchful for the wolf. He brings the storm, the raging storm. When it comes I will rise like a lioness on the prowl to meet it head on, like David against Goliath. My God has sufficiently supplied me each day for all things so I will be ready. Today, I will wait. Tomorrow I may fight. Fostering is not for the faint of heart because it is a battle for the heart, it is a battle for the lost sheep. Good night warriors. May God bless you with strength, courage, wisdom, and grace for the battle. Whether you are facing Goliath or a toddler tonight, may you be filled with the Spirit.