Foster Care Reflections: Difficult Mercies

It seems like in foster care we're always walking through uncertainty. As soon as you think you've mastered one day, you awake to find a brand new one. It's part of the adventure.

     God has been teaching me that my peace is not found in controlling the world around me or in building a world that is unshakable. God is teaching me to trust in His certainty when the world is anything but. He has allowed me many times over to walk through difficult times, each time seems like it's more than I can bear. Yet, I find that each time my focus becomes clearer, my heartbeat becomes stronger, and my desire to step where He steps becomes stronger; each time I grow closer to Him.
     As with any ministry or mission, your weakness will be drug out and laid exposed. There will be no hiding from it. You will deal with it or it will deal with you. God's mercies are true to be new every morning. Though my coffee may fail, my God never will! So many mornings I didn't want to get out of bed and face another day. So many days I just wanted to go back to bed and wish for a do-over. Every day God has come alongside me and granted me new wisdom and strength. Every day God has surrounded me with friends and a husband who knew exactly when to call or when to hug me. God has never left me alone in this battle, not once.
     I was reminded through the story of David that I should not wish to give to God "something which has cost me nothing". I should not spend my life wishing for comfort and ease. I should not secretly wish that I did not have such a heavy burden to bear. My privilege is with the children and family God has placed within my care. My honor is within the talents God has placed in my hands.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners, Isaiah 61:1

     To wish for easier would be to wish away the very thing which places me within the will of God and within His presence. I pray that I never forget to love His mercy AND His grace and that I love His presence as the most important blessing of all. If foster care has taught me anything it's that the only treasure I desire is to be unhindered, unconditionally, and undefiled in His presence forever.