Foster Care Reflections: Our Kind of Normal
Have you ever met those people who are soooo normal? Those people who are just so very relatable and normal that you think to yourself that they are what you want to be like? Yeah, we are not those people. I'm not sure we can be normal for more than 5 seconds and truth be told, I don't want to ever be those people. There are days when I laugh in spite of myself (okay pretty much every day I laugh at myself). We have the kind of days that would make the "normal" people curl up in the fetal position and cry. Then just when I'm about to say those 4 little words (Are you kidding me??), I laugh and remember, this is OUR kind of normal. I would tell you about our past week, but who really cares, right? If you live in the foster care world, we could share war stories and laugh and cringe all day long! Every story would just make us shake our heads and say, "Yes, girl, yes! I know exactly what you mean!" We've all been there...we're all still there because this is everyday normal. What's the old saying? "Roll with the punches, but roll with laughter".
I did a project for a sociology class once where we had to identify a culture we were a part of and how it operated inside a larger culture. I chose the foster care culture. It operates as a society all on its own. We are separate from everyone else, yet we live among the rest of society. For some, this can be confusing and overwhelming when it comes to parenting and living a semi-normal life. One thing I'm realizing about living in the foster care culture, we can't compare the way we live to anyone else's because we don't live like anyone else. As moms, we tend to measure ourselves by our friends and other moms that we think have this mom thing down better than us and then, we rake ourselves over the proverbial coals for not doing it just so, so. However, in the foster care life, you can't do that. We deal with the trauma that nightmares are made of and children who have never known love and family that we have taken for granted. We can't even begin to parent them the way other moms do because the traditional handbook doesn't have a section for that. I've come to realize that I have to stop comparing my life and holding myself to an unrealistic standard. As a Christ-follower, I should have done this from the beginning and yet, it took becoming a foster mom for it to really sink in. Comparison is a feeder of despair and cancer to the soul. Never let comparison with another God-created human take away the witness placed within you by the power of the Holy Spirit. In other words, do not quench the Holy Spirit because you think you are not as good as somebody else!
If you struggle to find your place, stop looking around you at everyone else. Look right where you are. God did not place you with those other people to parent those other children or to run that other home. He placed you where you are. Stop trying to be who you are not. Stop praying to be someone else. Start with a prayer of forgiveness. First, ask for forgiveness because God made you someone pretty great and you've probably overlooked that greatness this whole time wishing to be someone you're not and secondly, forgive yourself for not being who you thought you were supposed to be. Next, ask God for the vision of what your normal is supposed to look like so you can embrace it and fully embody His Kingdom in your family-all the grace, love, forgiveness, and Christ-likeness. Finally, pray, pray, pray, pray, and PRAY. Just keep praying no matter what! High on the mountain, low in the valley, you have to walk hand in hand with Christ. It simply doesn't work any other way. We are far from "the normal" family in every way. It means that from the time we get up until the time we go to bed, everything we do keeps us on our toes. We challenge each other to do better each day, to try harder each day, and to forgive more each day. It means that we get looks and "helpful" comments from other people. It means that we don't go on dates anymore. It means that we are challenged to find new ways to show grace to those who don't understand disabilities. It means understanding why David, Moses, Abraham, and Jesus would choose to be alone with only God in the most trying times of their lives because when others cannot understand, HE soothes your soul and strengthens your weary bones. It also means that our inner circle is knitted together with some of the most grace-filled people I have ever met on this earth. Those God has brought into our life are precisely those our family has needed. Who needs normal when you have friends that like your kind of crazy? :)
You'll be amazed what happens when you cancel your subscription to other people's lives and go all into God's Word.
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