Foster Care Reflections: The Strength of Grace

(This song has spoken into my heart so much this past week. I have cried so many good tears listening to this song in the car. I hope you enjoy it too! "Broken Things" by Matthew West) 

Sometimes there are days when life just feels like a cruel joke. I seriously look around for some hidden camera because this CAN'T BE HAPPENING is all I can think to myself. Yet, it is and it does and this is my life. Welcome to the crazy.
These are the days when I recognize my need for grace to be poured into my soul the most. I don't just wish for it, I NEED it like a drowning woman's lungs need air. My heart becomes deplete of words and so I sit, in silence, just staring at the wall allowing the Spirit to do my pleading with the words I cannot speak. This is the luxury of grace I willingly become a beggar of.
When I became a mom for the first time, my heart was won over with the complete love for such a helpless human being. I couldn't imagine loving another tiny human more. Soon 3 more came along very quickly and I was proven wrong! Then I entered foster care and God broke my heart open and showed me how love can cover a multitude of obstacles. A heart can be shattered over and over again for the love of littles and still be built stronger again. I have no idea what God made a mother's heart out of, but it's amazing quality and durability. Seriously, amazing.
So, in my staring-at-the-wall-because-I-can't-even state I came to this verse

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

And there it is. I won't wish or hope and pray for this to go away, but rather for God to be glorified through it. There is no question about whether I am the weakest link in this situation, I absolutely am. The question is whether or not I will go to where I can be lifted up. My natural instinct is to try desperately to regain some kind of control because everything seems to be OUT of control. My natural instinct is to run away as fast as I can and avoid it altogether. But my heart and soul tell me differently; they say "be still and know that I am God".  If you have ever suffered through anxiety, then you know how much of a struggle that statement stirs up just uttering it! Yet, it doesn't make it any less true. It's unnatural to my being, but it's completely natural to my spirit. Giving up the right and the want to control the universe means I also give into the peace that comes from NOT TRYING TO CONTROL THE UNIVERSE. Pretty common sense stuff, I know I know.
I take my deep breaths and let the tears flow as I just keep saying to myself "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". The way I see it, if His plan comes to perfection along the way in the lives of the people I care about the most in this world, then whatever is happening right now cannot possibly be as bad as it appears to be. As I wrapped up in the junk drawer series, I will choose my master. In foster care, you will be tested on this repeatedly and somehow you will look back on it as the best times in your life.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:2-5