Emotional Shame: Myth vs. Fact

When we talk about subjects that involve trauma, anxiety, depression, etc. I always feel it is important to address the topic of shame. Women especially feel a certain sense of shame over these issues. This prevents us from openly discussing and sharing our burdens with each other and, at times, becomes dangerous because it prevents some from seeking professional help. I want to address head on some common myths.
Myth: If you had enough faith or were strong enough, you would not need to take medicine for [insert mental illness diagnosis].
Fact: If this were a true statement, it would apply to every illness not only mental illness. The brain is an organ just like every other organ in the body. If your kidneys began to function abnormally the first thing you would do is seek medical attention. The first thing your friends would do is ask 1) Are you alright? and 2) What did the doctor say? None of your friends would accuse you of having "little faith" or of "being weak" for seeking the proper medical attention. None of them would say those things if the doctor said you had to take medication for your kidneys! We cannot and should not treat our brain any different nor shame those who do. Try asking your friend with anxiety or depression the same questions you would if they had a broken arm or if they thought they had cancer. Treat them like a friend.
Myth: Prayer, positive thinking, and life changes are all you need to "get over it"
Fact: Again, if this were a true statement it would apply to every other illness not only mental illness. Neuropsychologists will tell you that brain chemistry is more than simply "happy thoughts". Telling someone to "get on with it" or "have more faith" or whatever catchphrase seems good at the time is the equivalent of looking at someone in a mangled car after a car wreck and telling them to "Get well soon" as you walk away. It just doesn't work that way and it kind of makes you sound like a jerk. Okay, it does make you sound like a jerk. While lifestyle changes are most certainly part of a successful plan, they are not the cure. It takes at least 8 weeks for a broken arm to heal, it often takes longer for the broken spirit to heal. Allow God and the doctors to do their work in their time while you remain supportive and encouraging. Be available. Be supportive. Be gracious. Be humble.
Myth: Seeking a therapist means you are weak or have little faith.
Fact: A therapist is a trained individual who is there to listen well and even hear the issues you may not hear coming out of your own mouth. We are terrible listeners when we are the ones doing the talking. They are trained at helping you correct negative thinking or empty out those junk drawers or whatever it is that has isolated you from healthy relationships. They are there because they have a passion for helping others overcome the worst burdens they carry so that they can thrive in life. God has equipped each of us with special gifts, some of those became counselors. Seeing one of them does not make you weak any more than seeing a doctor for an ear infection makes you weak. Talking with someone trained to correct your unhealthy thinking doesn't mean you lack faith any more than seeking a dietitian to help with unhealthy eating habits does.

Myth: Psychology is not real science.
Fact: Actually it is. As any real scientist will tell you, do your research first, please. Psychology is held to the same strict set of methodologies and ethical standards as a regular typical scientist. In fact, the DSM-5, our diagnostic manual, which we use after MANY hours of empirically sound assessments to diagnose clients for treatment is based on a medical model (as in the same medical model your primary doctor would use to treat you in the office). Again, the brain is a real, actual organ peeps (shocking isn't it!?)
The brain is as much a part of our body as our bellybutton and must be cared for and loved like every other crazy body part. We cannot overlook or ignore its warning signs. We also cannot shame or discourage those who struggle with an illness. There is no shame in any illness. There is no shame in recognizing a need in one's body and wanting it to be healthier. I applaud all the women who continue to fight and grow every day. I know it's hard, but you need to know that you are not alone. I hope that in my blogs you have found that you fight, you struggle and even fall alongside some amazing women. Together we will always lend a hand and lift each other right back up and press on. Over the years, those who struggle have been treated quite unfairly so if you feel embarrassed or shame, it's no wonder. But God did not create us to live lies or carry our burdens alone. Just like we talked about earlier in the week, these struggles and this junk will keep a wedge not only between you and those you care about, but also between you and God. Don't let any of these myths keep you from pursuing Him. And NEVER let any of these let YOU be the reason that someone else stops pursuing Him.