Why I trust Him

When I became a Christian there was no doubt that I loved God. I loved Him and wanted to please Him like a child loves their parents. It's all I wanted and all I could think about! I studied the Bible for hours each night and prayed all the time. Then last year things in my life began to unravel one at a time in a snowball effect. My trust in God was tested daily. My weakness in that trust was brought front and center. I couldn't understand. If I loved God, shouldn't I trust Him? My spirit wanted to, but my flesh was weak. When it came to trust I was operating on the human level and trusting Him as I do people not as the Almighty God. When one of my most treasured trusts was broken with someone whom I loved, I had a difficult time figuring out how to trust anyone, even God. It has taken over a year of painfully and slowly working through my trials to build the kind of trust I wish I had from the beginning. I learned to not trust God solely on the fact that He loved me, but because He is my Savior, He is always faithful, and because He loved me enough to sacrifice His son for my sins. By all accounts He has proven Himself trustworthy. It was not the blessings that taught me to trust Him, it was His presence walking me through all the dark valleys. He never left my side, not once. He was never too busy to comfort me. He was never too burdened to hold my hand. He was never too tired to talk with me and He was never too tired of hearing me cry to dry my tears. He had nothing to prove to me, but He did it anyway. He owed me no explanation and not a minute of His time, but He gave it freely. He taught me the greatest lesson of my life through the worst struggles of my life. I'll admit there are times in weakness when I ask Him why, but He so graciously reminds me that I don't need to know the answer, I just need to trust in Him. I can say now that I have a confidence in my relationship with God that I didn't have before. He is and always will be my best friend and I know that no matter what happens, He'll be here to walk me through it. I know I can sit down to talk with Him about anything and He'll be right there to listen and speak sense and truth into my heart. Some days I'm so stressed I feel like I can't catch my breath, but when I stop to pray, I find myself taking deep breaths of relief. I feel relieved just from having Him close. The simple fact that He is present where ever I am, whatever time it is, tells me that everything is okay. Being near Him makes me safe. I not only know that I CAN take refuge in Him, I WANT to hide in Him. I know now He will never let me down. He will never fail. He will never lie. He may not answer me in the way I want, but I know, without a hint of doubt, that He WILL answer me in what is best. And I trust Him enough to know that He always knows best. It has turned my "why" question into a "what", as in what would you like to teach me from this Lord? What can I learn? After the initial shock, I turn to Him and say "okay Lord, I know there's a reason and a plan, so teach me.". It turns the dread of trials into a bit of excitement at the possibility to grow closer to God and learn more from Him. If someone had told me this 2 years ago I would have thought they were crazy! But after over a year of constant dark valleys, I have learned to see things differently. Turning to God has changed my focus from the temporary to the eternal. Whenever a struggle arises, I often ask myself what will matter in eternity. Will this struggle affect my eternity or will my actions affect my eternity? Is anger towards this person going to be helpful in eternity or will forgiveness and prayer for them be more helpful? When I'm in Heaven, will I remember our financial struggles? You can probably guess the answers. That's how I look at life now. I live my life with the certainty of Heaven in front of me as if it's already happened. This is one thing I have learned that always puts things in perspective. Even if I get weighted down by burdens, I look up & I remember the truth. The truth about God sets you free. Absolutely nothing on this earth can be counted on, God is the sole holder of guarantees. When you can trust God like this, everything else seems to virtually disappear. When you can trust God, you understand that God doesn't bring the bad, but He'll never leave you alone to face it. "Yea though I walk to valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." Trusting God means you have no one to fear but God. It makes the passage " what can man do to me that I should fear him" take on a whole new meaning. It's not just a nice verse you quote to encourage someone, it's a passage that explains the freedom from fear that comes through faithful trust in God.
I have never been a very disciplined person. I shun routines and I'm constantly changing, but what God has taught me these many months is something I never want to let go. I see how I was before all of this and I don't want to go back. I loved God, but I didn't have the peace of trust. This kind of peace cannot come any other way but through complete trust in God's faithfulness. I may not remember everything in my life as I grow older, but this lesson I shall never forget. God changed me through all of this and I feel closer to Him than I do anyone else on earth. I used to feel self-conscious knowing that God knew everything about me, even my bad parts, but through this chapter in my life I've learned to not fear His knowledge of me, but to rejoice over it. Since He knows me better than I know myself, He will always know what's best for me even when I don't. He'll always know the truth even if I can't be honest with myself. He'll know what's most important even when I confuse my priorities. I don't have to be perfect before I go to Him, He makes me perfect when I come to Him. My prayer life now is not what I thought prayer life was. I talk to God all day long. We have one continuous dialogue that never ends. It feels weird to pray with my kids and say "amen" as if that's the end of the conversation, because our's never ends. I talk to Him throughout the day while doing house work and even as I fall asleep. I feel like I do most of the talking so I look forward to quiet time when I sit down and say"okay God, it's your turn. I'm listening". I understand why there were times when Christ had to be alone to pray because even though I can talk to God amidst chaos, it's hard to hear Him respond. My relationship with God has become something I depend on the most and enjoy more than anything else. It can never be taken from me, NEVER. My one desire is that every single person on earth could have Christ as their best friend and know the peace that comes from that trusting and faithful relationship. I don't want people to want to go to Heaven just because it's better than the alternative, I want them to want more than anything else to have God for eternity.
Kristy!
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