Foster Care Reflections: Mountain Moments

Going to the highlands has a way of grounding me.

     My favorite place is in the mountains. There is something about that cool, crisp mountain air that centers me. I feel at home and recharged. My head clears and my anxiety flees; I am free. 

     We just got back from a week-long vacation in the Rocky Mountains and it was divine. God outdid Himself when he put the mountains in place. We usually think of mountains as some obstacle to be moved, but I love them in all their splendor right where they are. I want to climb them, explore them, and cherish every breathtaking moment I am on them. I never lose my sense of awe for the mountains.
     It is rare to have such high points while also going through such low points in life, but God afforded us a well-timed luxury. We have had many challenges this year and they do not seem to be wrapping up anytime soon. During this time of "rest", God brought me around to focus on what mattered. I was reminded that my place was with Him no matter how my circumstances may change.

For me, this has several implications. 

     First, my prayer is an honest and tear-soaked "Your will be done". I have no idea what it looks like, but I know He knows better than me. I know that whatever He wills to do with our circumstances and all those involved is much better than anything I could have planned. I know this because I remember my whole life! I remember praying to marry a man who is not the man I married. I remember praying to have twins (eeeek!). I remember praying to go to a college overseas. I remember praying for so many things that I KNEW were the best things for me. Obviously, I was so very, very wrong. I have a long history of being wrong while God has an extremely long history of being right.
     Second, it means that I'm not in control. I'm not apathetic and throwing my hands in the air while saying 'C'est la vie'. It means I'm not laying awake every night considering the million different ways I should handle a situation and how it might go wrong. It means I'm off damage control. It means my anxiety can back away from the cliff and take a rest for once. It means I don't have to drive when I don't even know where I'm going. It means that if NM is mad at me or hates me for reasons I have nothing to do with, then I can trust it in His hands and His timing. If a girl who was my best friend suddenly thinks the worst of me for reasons I don't understand, then I can trust it into His hands.
     Third, it means I'm not alone. So many times I have cried in my closet or in my car and just felt alone in this world. So many times I have felt misunderstood, rejected, beat-up, walked on, etc. Too many times I have cried tears that no one but Jesus has known about. It gets lonely and dark in those moments. Landing my focus squarely on God and praying 'your will be done' means I am not on this journey alone in even the darkest of moments. It's as if the flicker of a single candle broke apart the darkness of my fear.
     In the highlands where oxygen is lacking, the Spirit is definitely not. We had a wonderful week of joy, laughter, peace, and family. In the simpleness of nature where cell service did not exist, God softened my heart and helped me remember Him, just Him. He created me a space that was just for me, all I had to do was live out His will. It was then that I realized we often get so caught up in being something (insert "title", "prized reputation", "what your friends think") that we forget we already ARE something to HIM. We get so jealous and envious of others and feel like we need to carve out our "niche" in this world that we forget God already carved that space out at His table for us. Nobody can take away what God gave us, it's our space. We get so caught up in this mess that we forget to focus on just worshiping HIM and doing HIS will. No wonder things get complicated and we are a mess! We forget that we are spiritual beings living in a foreign land, not the other way around. But I digress, that is a topic for another time :)
     Though I mourn over so many circumstances happening both in my family and in families I love dearly, I have peace that springs into hope. When I look to Jesus I see my Savior with an outstretched hand simply saying "follow me". Right now, I can't imagine anything more perfect.