Inner struggles part 1
I've titled this blog part 1 because if I'm writing about inner struggles there will be many, many more blogs to come.
So recently I have been the happiest person alive because I've realized just how much I have to be thankful for and how I have nothing to complain about. You can imagine my surprise then when I felt myself getting irritated often with my husband. I know we all get irritated with our spouses from time to time because we are all human, but this was going beyond that. I have spent every day of my marriage knowing I don't deserve such a wonderful man and knowing that we were meant to be. Sure I would get irritated at little things now & then but it never lasted more than a minute or two because I knew I was so blessed to have him. His good far out weighs any bad. To me, he is perfect. So when I found that I was more irritated with him than thankful for him, red flags went up that something was wrong. I tried to just "get over it" and move on but it only got worse until I felt like I was constantly having angry out bursts at him. Now Adam & I don't fight, we never have, so these out bursts from me were totally abnormal. Let me also clarify that in no way was I to the extreme of considering divorce or, God forbid, an affair, but I knew enough to know that I was where those extremes begin.
My prayers lately had been all thanks for everything, but with these bad feelings inside me, I knew I needed help from the Father. To be honest, these feelings scared me because I thought I was growing so well in my faith & this seemed like a sneak attack from satan. I told God I just didn't understand why I felt this way & I asked Him to show me where I left myself vulnerable to this attack. I realized that satan had come in & planted a very bad seed in me, so I asked God to uproot it & cast it far from me. I felt God guiding me back to that place in my heart where I kept all the memories & reasons I loved my husband so much. I realized that in all of my thankfulness I had been neglecting the thankfulness I feel for my husband. I guess you could say I was so busy looking at everything else around me that I took for granted the love my husband & I share. Walking into that inner room I felt the instant stab of conviction & guilt for the way I have been treating this person I love so, so much. I realized that God did not give me such a wonderful man so I could be awful, He gave me a wonderful man to inspire me to be just as wonderful! Even as I write this, I feel the weight of shame for my behavior & thoughts.
If I've learned anything, it's that even when you are growing & strengthening in faith, satan will still find some way to sneak in temptation! Only because of my faith did I see the warning signs before it was too late. Thank you God for showing me my errors! Thank you God for a man that loves me despite those faults! I now have new reasons to love my husband posted on the walls of that inner room. When I had an angry outburst, he did not yell or criticize back, he took it & forgave me each time I later apologized. When I was over sensitive, he did not laugh at me or get angry, he hugged me & apologized when it was I who should have apologized. He not only makes out ward sacrifices for me, he sacrifices pride just to make me feel better. I look around at this inner room & there are so many things written on the walls it would take me hours to read each one. This room in my heart for him is covered in reasons that I love him & thank God for him. Satan can never take that away & it's the one place he can never enter. I know now that anytime I feel irritated with my husband, all I have to do is walk into this room & suddenly I realize I have nothing to ever complain about!
I also realized, thanks to God, that the problem is in me & not anyone else. I have to be more watchful of those sneak attacks by satan & always keep my spiritual eye open for red flags. I plan on guarding myself better from now on. I'm unsure how satan got in, but I intend to find out & get it fixed! I know this won't be my last inner struggle because the stronger my faith gets, the harder satan will work to tempt me, but I feel more confident now. I saw the red flags & I took it to God immediately. The more I take to God the more He fixes me. The more I give to God, the more peace He gives me in exchange. I have knew reason to thank God today & yet another reminder why I have nothing to complain about. My husband, my soul mate, my partner, my inspiration, & the smartest man I know calls me beautiful, what more could I possibly ask for.
I end this blog asking for my husbands forgiveness & telling the whole world (or at least my readers) that I truly have the most wonderful husband in the world!
Kristy!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
So recently I have been the happiest person alive because I've realized just how much I have to be thankful for and how I have nothing to complain about. You can imagine my surprise then when I felt myself getting irritated often with my husband. I know we all get irritated with our spouses from time to time because we are all human, but this was going beyond that. I have spent every day of my marriage knowing I don't deserve such a wonderful man and knowing that we were meant to be. Sure I would get irritated at little things now & then but it never lasted more than a minute or two because I knew I was so blessed to have him. His good far out weighs any bad. To me, he is perfect. So when I found that I was more irritated with him than thankful for him, red flags went up that something was wrong. I tried to just "get over it" and move on but it only got worse until I felt like I was constantly having angry out bursts at him. Now Adam & I don't fight, we never have, so these out bursts from me were totally abnormal. Let me also clarify that in no way was I to the extreme of considering divorce or, God forbid, an affair, but I knew enough to know that I was where those extremes begin.
My prayers lately had been all thanks for everything, but with these bad feelings inside me, I knew I needed help from the Father. To be honest, these feelings scared me because I thought I was growing so well in my faith & this seemed like a sneak attack from satan. I told God I just didn't understand why I felt this way & I asked Him to show me where I left myself vulnerable to this attack. I realized that satan had come in & planted a very bad seed in me, so I asked God to uproot it & cast it far from me. I felt God guiding me back to that place in my heart where I kept all the memories & reasons I loved my husband so much. I realized that in all of my thankfulness I had been neglecting the thankfulness I feel for my husband. I guess you could say I was so busy looking at everything else around me that I took for granted the love my husband & I share. Walking into that inner room I felt the instant stab of conviction & guilt for the way I have been treating this person I love so, so much. I realized that God did not give me such a wonderful man so I could be awful, He gave me a wonderful man to inspire me to be just as wonderful! Even as I write this, I feel the weight of shame for my behavior & thoughts.
If I've learned anything, it's that even when you are growing & strengthening in faith, satan will still find some way to sneak in temptation! Only because of my faith did I see the warning signs before it was too late. Thank you God for showing me my errors! Thank you God for a man that loves me despite those faults! I now have new reasons to love my husband posted on the walls of that inner room. When I had an angry outburst, he did not yell or criticize back, he took it & forgave me each time I later apologized. When I was over sensitive, he did not laugh at me or get angry, he hugged me & apologized when it was I who should have apologized. He not only makes out ward sacrifices for me, he sacrifices pride just to make me feel better. I look around at this inner room & there are so many things written on the walls it would take me hours to read each one. This room in my heart for him is covered in reasons that I love him & thank God for him. Satan can never take that away & it's the one place he can never enter. I know now that anytime I feel irritated with my husband, all I have to do is walk into this room & suddenly I realize I have nothing to ever complain about!
I also realized, thanks to God, that the problem is in me & not anyone else. I have to be more watchful of those sneak attacks by satan & always keep my spiritual eye open for red flags. I plan on guarding myself better from now on. I'm unsure how satan got in, but I intend to find out & get it fixed! I know this won't be my last inner struggle because the stronger my faith gets, the harder satan will work to tempt me, but I feel more confident now. I saw the red flags & I took it to God immediately. The more I take to God the more He fixes me. The more I give to God, the more peace He gives me in exchange. I have knew reason to thank God today & yet another reminder why I have nothing to complain about. My husband, my soul mate, my partner, my inspiration, & the smartest man I know calls me beautiful, what more could I possibly ask for.
I end this blog asking for my husbands forgiveness & telling the whole world (or at least my readers) that I truly have the most wonderful husband in the world!
Kristy!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
Comments
break up your paragraphs to make it easier to read nerdo! :)
have a great day... look forward to reading more as they come!